Measuring Motherhood: The Costs of Pregnancy

Episode Summary

SURPRISE: Allegra is pregnant! Today she talks about why she's planning a home birth, how much she expects to spend in the early weeks of motherhood, and what she's bought so far for the nursery (hint: it's not much...).

Episode Notes

SURPRISE: Allegra is pregnant! Today she talks about why she's planning a home birth, how much she expects to spend in the early weeks of motherhood, and what she's bought so far for the nursery (hint: it's not much...).

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Check out Allegra's doula and midwife on Instagram: @riverwilddoula & @bear.together.

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Transcript

  • First things first y'all. I am 20 weeks pregnant. I have hated pants since week 12 Maybe 11.

    This is Allegra Moet Brantley, and you're listening to the Coffee and Coin podcast where women talk wealth. I'm the founder and CEO of Factora, a company on a mission to lead 1 million women to 1 million in net worth. Because when women have more money, we'll have more power to be the change we want to see in the world. If you're ready to hear real women share their real numbers and investment journeys and have a sneaky feeling you should be doing a little more with your money, you are in the right place, just sit back, relax and turn me up.

    All opinions expressed by Team Factora and podcast guests are solely their own and do not necessarily reflect the opinions of Factora Incorporated. This podcast is for informational purposes only and should not be used as the basis for investment decisions. Team Factora. And podcast guests may maintain positions in the securities or investments discussed in this podcast.

    Welcome back to another coffee and coin episode,

    today is going to be a little different version of our regular programming. Instead of interviewing somebody or talking to you about a certain investment topic, I'm going to talk to you about the cost and some decisions around my pregnancy. So surprise, I am pregnant, I'm actually halfway baked. I'm 20 weeks this week, and a typical pregnancy goes 39 weeks. So very exciting for myself and my husband, we have been family planning for a while now. And we can't wait to meet this little tyke. So I decided to get real raw with you guys and talk to you about some of my personal choices that I'm making around this pregnancy and birthing that are a little unique, and obviously express all the costs associated with them. So if you listen to this podcast, often, you've probably heard me talk about how one of Factora’s values, as well as my own is question the quo, meaning don't just take status quo and live life by somebody else's norms. But ask questions and be curious and dig in, where it matters to you. And when things don't make sense, especially question that. So for me, I actually had a boss in the past who shared with me that she had two home births. And the stories that she shared about both of her home births were really unique and completely different from anything I'd ever heard about a hospital birth, which was honestly at the time, the only way I thought you could deliver a baby never crossed my mind that you could have a baby at home. And in the US, you can't have a home birth in all 50 states. In fact, I think there are about 10 states that don't even allow it, which is kind of crazy. Because I do believe in choices. And that definitely should be a choice that you and your family makes based on your needs your decision, your vision for how to bring this little person into the world. So you're probably already guessed it, but I am planning to have a home birth and here's why. There is a great movie called The business of being born. It's actually a Ricki Lake documentary that's held up pretty well. She had her first child where she had a birth plan. She was hoping to deliver it vaginally at a hospital as naturally as possible. And next thing, you know, emergency situation and she's getting wheeled into this area and room and has this is Areum. Well, she decided she wanted to look into why that happened to her. How often does that happen to other women and she hired some researchers to help her get the information. And this movie blew me away y'all because from it, I learned that the US has one of the highest mortality rates maternal and infant in first and second world countries and I actually feel very much a part of that stat. Not me specifically, but my mother after birthing me in a hospital had my little sis stir who was a full term stillbirth, so she was breathing when they went into the hospital to deliver her and she was born stillborn, so she was dead when she came out in a hospital. And that is something that has affected my family for my my whole life. So that's part of it. Another stat to know is that there is a 33% C section rate. So a third of your friends, and I've noticed this from my own friend group, have had to get C sections for one reason or another that they were not expecting to get until they were at the hospital. And then there's a 90% Tear rate, meaning you're having a baby, and it's coming out. But then it's also ripping down there, and you have to get stitches after you've had a very sensitive situation already. So that is not as easy of a recovery as if you had not have torn. So another thing, I feel like one of the most standout incredible things about women is their ability to bring life into the world. This makes us ferocious, incredible, powerful beings, y'all men are bringing the children into the world we are. So the more I thought about it, the more I realized that we've been doing this for 1000s of years, our bodies were built to do this, we are capable of this. And I don't want to drown out any of those sensations. I want to experience this because I feel like it gives me a sisterhood with all of the other women in the world who have done this before me. I mean, way more women have had children outside of hospitals than inside of them. Because we're talking 1000s of years here that women have been squatting down and birthing babies using the power of gravity and their bodies. And I want to experience those natural endorphins, that hormone release that all of the women I talked to that have home birth or rave about without any drugs interrupting that for me or for my baby. So those are some of the personal reasons that I have. That's not to say that something couldn't go wrong, and I might need to be transferred to a hospital, all homebirths do have to have a transfer or backup plan and I have one of those. But to the best of my ability, I would like to birth at home, because I would like to be in a very serene, calm environment with low lights, candles, nice music, we are going to have a birth tub setup at the hospital, they don't allow you to eat even though you really need a lot of energy when you're going through a marathon, that is labor. So you can have bone broth and whatever. You know, quality juices are proteins that are you know, easy to eat because you are busy. And it's not like you're gonna sit down and have a meal. But the option is there and you're not confined to a room or a bed with bright lights and kind of that surgical feeling. I don't know about you, but I have only been in a hospital for myself. One time overnight. Crazy story all but I actually got bit by a stray cat in my backyard. It jumped into my backyard while we were having a party. And you know, I did pet it. Everyone pet it though. But it bit me. And I actually had to get a series of rabies shots because we didn't know whose cat it was. So I ended up spending the night in the hospital the day after the cat bite because when I went in to treat the bite, they wanted to admit me because they felt like they were a little nervous. There could be some streaking, the cat smells are very, a lot of bacteria, a lot of infection. And so to be safe, they held me overnight, and I was laid up hooked up to the machines. It was like a whole saga. It was really, really crazy. And it was scary. And I didn't like the experience at all. So flipping that narrative, I have talked to and done a lot of research about women who have had homebirth good stories and bad because I want to get both sides of the coin right. And obviously I've talked to all of my personal friends who have had hospital birth. And the thing I noticed most is that yes, a third of the hospital births have turned into last minute C sections for some reason or another, but also that the labors were really long. There's a lot of intensity to them. It almost feels like I'm listening to a war story or a war badge of giving birth. And while that's their experience, and I don't want to deny anyone that I'm over here on the other side of things, listening to women who birthed that home talk about it in the opposite way that it was the most empowering thing of their life that they've never felt like they've been able to express themselves more that they felt like a goddess that they just had this incredible rush. And I'm not sitting here saying there was no pain involved. There's absolute pain and intensity. But the stories are black and white hombres overwhelmingly positive, happy. This was how we did it. It was such a short labor. It was such a exciting time. You know, my partner looked at me like I was goddess. And then on the other side of things, it's, you know, in hospitals guys fainting, worried about their wives, wives getting rushed into C sections, and just a lot of stress and intensity. So, if you guys are interested in watching a live birth, my friend Carly Brown, who have actually had on this podcast in the past, just live streamed hers. It only took her about two and a half hours, she had her baby at home with the most beautiful setting. And it's it's honestly a really gorgeous expression of bringing someone into the world that you might not know as possible. So I definitely recommend giving it a watch and we will link it in the show notes. It doesn't take long for the baby to arrive. She pushed two times she was completely unassisted. She had her midwife and her doula sitting next to her while she was in the tub, and you just hear her say, his heads out. And then she waits. And then she says, he's here. And then she has a beautiful baby in her arm, there is nothing beeping,

    there's no one taking him away from her to do testing.

    There's none of that. It's just a really, really beautiful, sweet scene of a family bringing their newest loved one into the world. And I'm very grateful she's allowing other people to witness it. So we'll link that. But let's talk about some of the costs associated with pregnancy and birth. Especially because I'm doing mine a little bit differently. First things first, y'all I am 20 weeks pregnant. I have hated pants since week. 12, maybe 11. I remember thinking back when I was younger, knowing that I wanted children and looking at women who are pregnant and just thinking, wow, how do they even, you know, fit into pants like everything looks just wild, your body looks wild. But I was only looking at very pregnant women. I cannot tell you how uncomfortable your clothes get right away, at least in my experience. So I definitely went out and bought some new clothes. I spent about $1,200 Total on pregnancy specific items. I tried to not do that. At first, I thought I could get away with it. And then I was just too uncomfortable. So I got to what are called bump suits. They grow with you. I plan on wearing one right now if you're watching the video. It's a onesie not the easiest to take off and pee but so cozy otherwise. And I plan to wear these for as many pregnancies as I have have one who shorts and one with pants and you can layer them. So they're great. What else? I have a midwife. So a midwife is effectively your doctor, she's bringing oxygen, all sorts of stuff. She's weighing your baby, she's doing everything that they would do in a hospital, pretty much not 100%, but a lot of it. And the coolest thing about a midwife is that you can actually have the appointments where they come to your home, because remember, you're going to be birthing in your home. So why why not get to know the surroundings, she has come once a month for the beginning of my pregnancy and then it'll move to twice a month and then it'll be weekly leading up to it. And what's really cool about these appointments is that she doesn't just care about how babies progressing. She cares about how Mama is progressing. So when we're doing these visits, she's not just monitoring the baby's heart rate what she's doing, but she is performing any lab work we might need so she's asked me so many questions about my personal health and for example, I was prone to UTI so we've been testing for that throughout pregnancy because you might not get the symptoms are masked by other pregnancy hormones happening in your body. We wanted to watch out for that just the amount of true maternal care has really impressed me I've honestly never felt so cared for by it. Dr. So she's doing all my vitals nutritional counseling, childbirth education, access to as many resources as I need. She's helped me create my whole supplement plan. She does an herbal tea for her third trimester women, I have two friends that are using her as a midwife to so it's really actually so cool that our children will be birthed by the same woman who is an earth angel. And hopefully, they'll get to know her and definitely each other. And I don't know about you, but I sure can't say who birthed me. I only know the name of the hospital in Los Angeles, California. I've no idea who the doctor was. And I've never met anyone else that that doctor birthed. So that's already just like a more, feels more local, more communal, more special. So that's something else I love. And she's doing continual risk assessments. And she can refer you to any providers as needed. It has been really, really glorious. And then I'm also working with an actual doctor is actually a maternal fetal medicine specialist. And they do my sonogram. So my midwife partners with a more Western doctor, so that I can still get my regular scans and see how baby is progressing up on the monitor. She brings the Doppler which reads the heartbeat, but they have the bigger equipment, so I can still get the cute photos and all that goodness, that cost for the midwife. I can't remember if I said, Who will also come with an assistant for the birth is $4,500. My deductible for my medical plan. So to go through all the other sonogram type elements is $1,750. And I'm still going through that. And then I hired what's called a doula. I actually hired two of them. Going into this. I didn't know that there was two types of doulas, but there are there are birth, doulas, and there are postpartum doulas. And so a birth doula is going to be there for the birth with her I'm paying $1,600 It includes two prenatal visits to get to know each other. One prenatal massage. I was really excited to find someone who focuses and massage and then full birth support, meaning any questions I've got, I'm asking her, she's showing up way before my midwife again, the midwife is the doctor in this labor situation, so they're not coming until your inactive labor but my Doula shows up, as soon as things get get moving. And then she'll also come for a postpartum visit. And then separately from that, we got a postpartum doula, who is amazing. She is from South Africa. She was a midwife in South Africa. And over here, she is a doula. She will be staying over at our house three nights a week, about a week after the baby comes to help us with baby at night. So she'll be there for eight hours to help mom and dad get sleep. And she'll sleep with the baby in another room until they wake up every few hours to feed and then bring them to me. And this is just to help an early mom and dad get enough sleep so that they're not crazy people and stressing out and they're already going to be we are already going to be so nervous with a new baby that's going to be the most you know, magical thing in our lives. And we want to be very careful with it. But another thing that really got me questioning the quote was, Wow, so many people come back from the hospital and they're expected to be photo ready in just a few days. But you are going through so many emotions, you didn't just birthed the baby. You also birthed into motherhood responsible for another human being for the next. I mean, who are we kidding? More than 18 years like this is a big deal. There's a lot of transition happening. So to expect that you can figure it all out and know it all on your own. reading some books that didn't make sense to me. So I love that I'm going to get all of her wisdom about feeding and nurturing this little being because she's done it many times before. She's a lot older. So I always think about that, quote, it takes a village. You know, she does this constantly. She helps babies get to sleep. She swaddled she helps parents understand their babies. Why would I not want to learn from someone who is so affiliated with this process and understands it? You know, if you think about it, a lot of people might depend on their parents to swoop in and help but your parents did not swaddle a baby since you were a baby in most cases. So they're a little out of practice. And my husband and I always joke you know grandparents are allowed to be tired. That's why they spoil their grandkids and challenge and discipline their regular kids because they're in a different life phase,

    you know, like they don't have the energy to do the whole nine again. But someone who works in birth support is just a wealth of knowledge. So we're really excited about her. That one is going to be $4,500 for five weeks of three nights postpartum doula staying the night at our house. And then we paid $300 To do a nine hour set of birth classes with two other couples. That is also with a doula who has the most wild stories. This is a probably 115 pound Russian woman who had a unassisted meaning she delivered her baby by herself, no midwife, no other doula she was alone with her partner, and she had like an 11 pound baby boy. So she is just so full of information. And so spirited. And we've been practicing labor techniques and breathing and holding ice for long periods of times on our wrists and our necks and learning with our partners how to apply counter pressure. Well, that's what Jake will be applying to me to help me ease through the labor intensity. And yeah, that's pretty much the bulk of it. I mean, that total of all the numbers I just mentioned is $14,000. Before we buy any baby stuff, which are really, I've got nothing in the baby's room yet, except for a few gifts from friends, like we've not got a crib, we have a lot to get. But this is the biggest investment I can make. Right? This is in my family and in their well being. So I'm really excited to spend this money and, and you know, financially, we've been preparing for this baby for a long time. We've had this money at the ready, and we've been doing everything we've been doing for the last year, all about getting ready to start a family including buying this house that I'm recording this first podcast from because we just moved in last week, we joke that it's called BAM terrorists as in, we got this for the Bambinos. And it's been a significant investment to buy this and to move in here. We always think about it in an investment context. So I will mention that we moved out of our last house flipped that primary residence into a short term rental and on purpose before South by started a big festival that's finally back in action in Austin, Texas. And we didn't start running it until right before South by on March 11. And just through the end of March, it is going to gross us $8,000 That would pay double this mortgage. But we do have a short term rental agency. So we will not be making all of that gross income. And it did cost us a little bit to get it prepared. So okay, I'm not including really my gym membership or healthy eating because that stuff I would be doing anyways. But it's even more important now. Because I'm obviously prepping for my biggest marathon yet right to have a natural birth at home and to experience all of the mystery that labor is going to bring me my personal birth plan. So you know how to be really fluid with this. The thing I know, most of all, is that I want to be at home, I envision myself when contraction start doing a lot of Curb walking. Curb walking is when you have one foot on the curb one foot on the street so that you can help open up your pelvic floor and start to get ready for the for the big descendants of the head through the birth canal. And yeah, we'll have a pool setup. So potentially it'll be a water birth potentially,

    it won't be but I can't tell you yet until we're on the other side of it. And then just creating that really, really nice cozy scene. I only plan to have my husband here with me plus the midwife her assistant and our birth doula. So just a small little crew. And yeah, I'm excited to be able to move around as my body needs and not be confined to a hospital bed and keep my energy up. So that's the plan. The plan is there's no real plan other than hoping to have a homebirth which it does take excessive energy. You know the majority of women that have to transfer transfer because they're exhausted because you're doing something really hard that you never done before. So it's all going to feel super crazy. And I'm trying to mentally prepare for that as well. Last thing I'll mention is that I'm going to do something called a mother's blessing that is different than a baby shower, although I plan to have one of those too. So baby shower is a little bit more traditional, I'm sure you're all aware of that. That's a focus on the baby and having your friends around you to you know, maybe play some games and to open some presents all gifts for the baby. mother's blessing is kind of the opposite. It goes back to focusing on the mother, it's blessing her for stepping into this new phase of her life. So you're surrounded by women. And it is it's really beautiful. I've only been to one but it is sisterhood stuff. It is you know, you feel like you are connected to the women before you and the women who will come after you. It's all about talking to the to the mom and blessing her on this journey and making sure that you're going to be there for continued support and love and nurturing her while she gets up the energy to nurture this new baby. So that's really all I've got for you today. If you liked this podcast, give us feedback we have our instagram you can always DM into or you can email us at podcast at factorawealth.com. Hey, if you are interested in stuff like this and the finances behind it, maybe we'll do a mini motherhood series and share more. So I hope you're well I hope that today may have provoked a little bit of new thought or ideas or even resistance if you felt resistance to my choices or what I'm doing. I would just remind you that that's the point, right? We're not all supposed to be the same and walk the same path. There are many people with many different beliefs. And there's room for all of us. So have a good one and I'll talk to you in a future episode. If you enjoyed this episode, come join us in a well circle. It's our live online 12 week course and community where we teach you how to create a personalized financial plan alongside hundreds of other women building wealth. It will change your life and your money for good. You can apply at factorawealth.com forward slash wealth circle. That's factorawealth.com forward slash Wealth Circle. See you in the next episode.

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